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Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Smacking Is Not Positive Parenting
Smacking is one of many discipline options parents choose when raising their children, because it is usually conference calls unlimited option most familiar to them.
However, choosing positive parenting options, based on what a child needs to be happy and successful from the day he or she is born, raises children that are kind and co-operative, making smacking unnecessary.
Here are 10 positive parenting options that really work:
1.Children need positive attention. As parents we are quick to point out any undesirable behaviour. We criticise their actions, dress, words, and friends. Let's rather be quick to praise our precious children. Catch them doing something good and lavish praise on them. They will absolutely glow before you. Keep negative comments to yourself. You'll discover their behaviour suddenly improves.
2.Children need to feel loved. Sit and hold each of your children for 10 minutes each day, and tell them how dear they are to you; how proud you are of them, and how much you love them. Even if you have four children, it will take you less than an hour to spend quality time with each child. You will see them swell with self esteem and confidence. Suddenly your children will be very co-operative.
3.Children need mortgage ccj and predictability in the form of rules and routine. This makes them feel secure. They like to know with 100% certainty what is expected of them at home, at school, and so forth. Children also need to know there are consequences if they do not adhere to the rules. Rules should be few and fair, and limited to providing guidelines with regard to time management, and pro-social behaviour. Consequences that you have negotiated with the child before hand should always be carried out. Consequences may be the removal of privileges, pocket money, and valued items, with the option of earning them back at a later date. If the parent fails to provide structure and routine in the home, it is likely the child will feel insecure and misbehave.
4.Children need to be taught empathy, which is the ability to put yourself in someone else's position, consider what they are feeling, and respond in a sensitive way. Empathy is not something that occurs naturally. An empathic person would find it very difficult to inflict pain on another person, whether physical or mental because they are aware of how the victim feels. Empathy is also key to high EQ.
5. Children need a reason to behave positively. Always explain to children why you require them to behave in a certain way. Even very young children will listen to your explanation, even if they don't understand every word. The tone of your voice should be serious and reassuring.
6.Children's feelings need to be acknowledged. "I know you don't want to put your safety belt on. I know you feel restricted. It's uncomfortable, but those are the rules of the road." Acknowledging their feelings with the same exuberance as they are expressing them, makes them stop and listen to you.
7.Children need to be motivated rather than disciplined to behave positively. Children need to be motivated rather than disciplined to behave positively. Be creative and find student loan consolidators to motivate your child as you would motivate a complete stranger to do something you desire. Using incentives like star charts from the age of 3 years, occasionally to help the child change their negative behaviour is acceptable. However, using incentives all the time will teach they child to only work for a reward and not for self fulfillment.
8.Children need parents who are good role models of positive behaviour. Parents who shout, swear, hit and fight in front of their children, make their children anxious. Such children blame themselves for unhappiness in the home. Take time for yourself as a parent. Ask for help from friends and family when you feel you're cracking up. Argue in private, when the children aren't present. Think of ways to model positive behaviour for your children. They will copy you.
9.Children need problem solving options to increase their IQ and make them effective adults, especially in the business world. If a parent's only problem solving technique is aggression in the form of smacking, shouting, or bullying, then that is what their children will learn. Teach children to think outside the box, especially when they have erred. Have a debate at the dinner table, and explore all the options.
10.Children need patience and creativity to steer them towards positive behaviour. If you are aware that they are tired and irritable, and about to throw a tantrum, try to be patient and don't make the situation worse by hitting them. If possible, find them a private space where they can freely express themselves. Tantrums can be a stress relief for the child. As parents sometimes we need to step instant auto insurance quotes from a situation and destress. If you feel the urge to hit, ask yourself how would I feel right now if I was them? Try to meet their needs creatively.
Focusing on what children need makes raising them a pleasure as they respond so positively, and you can begin to enjoy their uniqueness. Substituting emotional and verbal abuse for smacking should never be an option, and neither should bribery and extortion. They are just as harmful as smacking. Good luck! May you be inspired to practise positive parenting.
SMACKING IS NOT POSITIVE PARENTING
By Claire Marketos
www.inspiredparenting.co.zawww.inspiredparenting.co.za
I am a a qualified teacher with an honours degree in Psychology. I have two gorgeous children aged 10 and 5. Since being a young student I have worked with children as well as studying child development and behaviour. I understand children and have identified what they need to be happy and successful. I work as a Parenting/Educational Consultant providing support for parents especially through difficult times like divorce and death.l
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